Thank Yous....

I took a walk the other day. It's the best way to arrange thoughts sometimes. Just me, my boots, fresh air.
I couldn't help but think of a phone call I had made.
It was a bill-paying call back to the States. The CSM was named Tammy. I mentioned to her that my husband was in the Army and we were living overseas. (The reason I mentioned this is she needed our address. I asked if she wanted our overseas address or a stateside address)
Tammy was so very sweet. She immediately asked me to pass along her gratitude to my husband (Which I will when I talk to him). I thanked her for saying such.
She then she told me that she wanted to thank me, she said "I call ya'll the homebound warriors."
I said "Oh. Oh well, thank you!"
(But trust me when I say, the only warrior I am is in the battle of these hardwood floors. Even if it is a chore, I don't feel like I need anyone to thank me for keeping my floors clean.)
It surprised me because that was the first time anyone actually thanked me for...being married to Michael.
She was so sweet and so heartfelt, it was nice. I thanked her & I told her she was a very nice person.

I've never sought gratitude for being married to Michael.

The thought lingered with me. I constantly see and am reminded of women who DO seek that kind of gratitude.
"Oh my husband is in the ARMY."
"My man is in the MILITARY"
"We are MORE special and we work harder than you at our relationships because our husbands are in the MILITARY"

As if they want a gold star for their marriage.

I try to seperate myself from that. Not because I'm not proud of Michael. I am. I am SO very proud of him. Every single day. Even when I catch him picking his nose, ok well maybe I'm more grossed out by that than proud.
When I see him in uniform, I feel such pride.
When he is away and I see guys walking around post in uniform, my heart desperately misses him.
In his uniform, or in his pjs, he is the most handsome man in the world. The bravest man I've ever met. The genuine & most courageous heart beats in his chest.

However, I do not feel I deserve gratitude.
"Thank you for what you do."What I do?
Well, let's see, what I do is love my husband.
That is not a great sacrifice.
I love him.
His job, is NOT my job. I married the person. His job just so happens to be in the Army. Of course that means we spend great amounts of time apart.
In a crisis, it may take him a couple of days to get home.
But, I do not feel I need to be thanked. As though loving my husband was a job. It is such a task that I need people to bow down to me with a 'I don't know how you do it' expression.
I don't want pats on the back, or any type of accolades.
I hate the implication that it MUST be SO DIFFICULT to be married to my husband. Oh poor you, you sacrifice soooo much.
I love my husband. It's not a sacrifice. It's where I want to be.

Some women define theirselves by that, and for them, that is great. I won't try to take that away from them. Being a spouse to someone who is in the military isn't easy.
But, being married to Michael isn't hard.
I married him because I love him. Not because I wanted to wear a yellow ribbon necklace or be a martyr.

When he is gone on training, or on missions, yes I sleep alone. I miss him every moment he is gone. Life is boring without him.
What do I do when he is gone?
I read books.
I do the laundry.
I go to the commissary.
I pay bills.
I make dinner for one.
I watch dvds because let's face it, AFN gets old after a while.
I go out to dinner with friends.
I take the train to neighboring towns to musuems.
I feed the ducks downtown.
I lunch with a friend on Marxplatz.
I call my sister and my mom.
I go to German Class.
I do wii zumba.
I take walks.
I plan out menus of what I will cook when he is home.
I drink coffee by the gallons.
I learn about places/sights/restaurants in our town (or neighboring towns) and then I can teach/show/bring Mike to those places when he comes home.

None of that takes the place of having Michael home with me. However, when he is gone, I know he's not doing things that fun. He is working.
To truly make any marriage work, you have to have your heart in it. The same goes for being married to someone in the Military.
(I still haven't grown to use the term "army wife" or "army spouse" because I am Michael's Wife. Michael's Spouse.)

I see all these poems about how spouses are the 'silent ranks." I'm not in any rank. I'm not in the military.
I've read how women sleep with their phones by them for that call, and that is true. But if he's too tired to call, guess what? I don't cry or get angry. He's just tired. Of course I want to hear his voice, but I love him so much that if he's tired, I'd rather he sleep. He'll call me when he can.
I've read about girls crying and getting so sad that their boyfriend/husband is going to basic training and it will be X amount of weeks before they will hear from their guys.
I can't help but think, What did you expect? Daily phone calls? Not going to happen, sister. The sooner you accept it, the better.

There will always be little girls who want to gossip and spread rumors on military posts. I have to say, I have successfully avoided them. I don't really care who is supposedly doing what with who. I don't.  Most of these girls/women I will probably never see again once they move or we do.
I chose my friends carefully and thus far, the friends I've made are awesome.
Any advice I could/would give to someone who wants to marry someone who is serving in the military is this:

1) You will be alone...a lot. You need to be ok with being alone. Alone and away from family/friends. You NEED to like your own company.
2) You need to accept that you will not choose where you live. Not the town, Not the country. And to some degree not even the housing.
3) Go see the town you live in. Make it yours.


And for cripes sake, PLEASE, if you move overseas, remember YOU are representing our Country. Please don't be White Trash, Ghetto, Redneck, Idiotic. Please. It's embarrassing. Honor the host nation by being polite. It's not hard to try to blend in or to  respect their culture. Please don't think you are owed something by the nationals. Please. It makes us all look bad. It makes the ones who DO actually respect others have to work EVEN harder to disprove that all Americans are ignorant.

If you can embrace that, when someone does thank you for being married to your husband, it will sound/seem strange to you.

And Tammy, thank you for your kind words. I can't imagine loving anyone else. Michael is the funniest, most amazing person I've had the pleasure to know. I love him more than there are words to express. You should see how cats gravitate to him, and how dogs want to get in his face, and curl up in his lap. He does nerdy dances with me in the kitchen. His mac and cheese is so legendary that it's been renamed Mike-n-Chee. He steals the blankets, and surprises me with little things like my favorite candy bar, a bouquet of flowers, or a sweet little stuffed animal. He folds the laundry because I HATE to. He never left my side for ONE minute when I was in the hospital. In winter he never fails to throw snowballs at me. Sometimes we play chase around the living room, because he doesn't want me to 'credit card' him. He watches the stars from our bedroom window with me. He always always always leaves one of his t-shirts for me covered in his sweet smell when he goes on training or missions. He is my everything, and I appreciate you recognizing that he works so hard! I will let him know you appreciate him.