I was standing in our kitchen, the summer air sticky all around us, while my darling husband made himself a turkey and gouda sandwich.
I was telling him about the book I was reading. Which is a ritual of ours. I drone on and on about what book I've got my nose stuck in, and he listens, adding his own 2 cents in every now and then.
This book, Here if You Need Me by Kate Braestrup, had brought me to tears. She writes about the loss of her husband due to a terrible car accident.
I, emotional from I just read,said to him "Please. Be careful with you. I don't ever want to lose you."
He was holding his spreading knife, with some smears of dijon left from his business of spreading, and said with the softest look in his eyes ever:
"I don't want to lose you from my being lost."
I threw my arms around him as my tears spilled down his uniform undershirt.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
The journey of a few thousands miles starts with....a plane ride
So, leaving the states turned out to be harder emotionally that you'd imagine. Sure, I was beyond excited to get to my wonderful husband. But the giddiness didn't start until I was in the air and zooming over Newfoundland.
It is so hard to say goodbye to family. Esp. my sister, mom and Grandma.
It started the day before, as I was driving, Cyndi Lauper's sadist song "True Colors" came on. And when she sang the line "I can't remember the last time I saw you laughing..." I broke down in tears, thinking of my sister's wonderful laugh.
And That is all I will write about that, due to the fact that if I write anymore I will be sitting here, sobbing.
So, that was what started my crying bouts.
My sister made a wonderful dinner for me. My favorite chicken dish. Corn on the cob, and her divine pineapple casserole.
We ate. We laughed. I cried. She made me laugh, saying (even if neither of us believed it)"but it's not sad..it's...HAPPY."
I thought "Oh man. I can't do this. I don't want to go to Germany."
But, then, I'd think of my husband and think "I want to go so bad!"
conflicting emotions are never easy.
Fast forward to the next day.
I stopped by Lynsey's work and hugged her extra hard. And she started crying and so did I.
At Dulles, I checked and got my grandma a wheel chair. She made the long trip to DC just to say Bye to me. My sweet little grandma. I love her so.
I didn't even start to cry until Michael called and told me to tell the trio at the airport (Mom, Dad, & Grandma) Bye for him. I choked up on the phone and had to go, RIGHT THEN.
I cried goodbye and cried extra hard when dad kissed my cheek. I couldn't look at Mom. But then I decided to look back and wave as I was leaving for the underground world of security.
Once through and at my gate, I stopped by Great American Bagel and stuffed my face with A chicken pesto panini and waited calmly for my flight.
I flew KLM. Which is Royal Dutch Airlines, if you are as clueless as I am. I need to say, KLM's seats are...extra cozy. And I was in the middle.
I felt the effects of that panini quite fast, I may add. I felt like I needed to use the airline phone to call Jenny.
A few seconds after settling in a large robust man from Nigeria plopped down beside me.
"Hello. You have ever been to Nigeria?" He asked all in one swooping howdy'do.
"Hi. No. I've not been." I answered.
"Well, I extend an invitation to my country."
I said "oh. Ok. yes. thank you."
he said "I invite you right now."
I scratched my nose and felt awkward. Like "you mean right now? I'm en route to germany...but uhm...thanks?"
Nigeria-man pulled out his Bible as I pulled out my portable dvd player, and tuned into season 4 of sex and the city.
Pretty soon I felt something on my left shoulder. I dodged my eyes that way and there it was....nigeria tuning into my dvd!!!
Not that he could listen in as I had on my head phones. But I noticed that while clutching his Bible he was never missing a samantha scene.
KLM flight crew wears royal blue leisure suits.
That is a random fact you may want to store away for future use...like Halloween.
They were nice though, and over fed us.
Which did nothing for the seating.
We got a hot towel and almonds their first go round. I chose NOT to eat the almonds. Not my style. (I had turned off my show to collect the almonds and coke from the air crew man. Nigeria told me "Do not to turn it off, only pause next time." Ooooohkay.)
Then we got a hot towel and dinner. Which was possibly in the running for the grossest thing I've ever put to my lips.(I arranged everything on my plane to signal to the air crew that I was finished, but thanks anyways. Even placing my almonds on top. Nigeria saw this, raised his eye brows picked up the baggie of almonds and looked at me. I shrugged and said "Go for it." And he DID! He ate my trash almonds!!!!!)
KLM shut out the lights for a few hours, and I tried to steal some zz's.
They popped the lights back on and threw another hot towel (which the euro men right in front of me used to bathe down.) I declined it as I was already like richard simmons listening to run-around-sue.
KLM then threw breakfast at us.
Really?
How could anyone possibly feel the need for breakfast? I could see through their lame attempt at trying to trick us out of jet lag.
We landed in Amsterdam, and I got my very first passport stamp. And searched. As in the whole nine. I even got patted down. I was caked in sweat, as there was ZERO a/c in the airport.
A young guy pulled me to the side "Mind if I cheeek yaour bag, meeess?"
I smiled and said "No, please go ahead."
I had to pull all electronics out of my carry on. and open up everything. Which included: A hard drive. Our camera. The mini dvd player, which I had to take out of the case and open the dvd disc holder.
He saw the dvd inside and said "Sexs in dee see-tee?"
I smiled and said "yes."
he said "Cah-ree."
I nodded.
He said "I loauve dis show. You are tip-ee-cull womman, no?"
I said "I think so."
Then I practically had to run to my next gate and Schiphol is a HUGE airport.
If someone ever tells you that Europeans stare. Believe them.
They do.
They stare hard. In fact, it may be some hobby of sort.
There I was caked in sweat (I could feel it running down my back) and feeling VERY out of place. The dress I was wearing was white and thin. So I had the added worry that it would become like a wet sundress contest of amsterdam.
I finally made it to my tram (yes, we had to tram out to our city hopper plane.)
A man said something to me that sounded rude and I was clueless as to what he was barking at me.
I just looked at him.
He barked it again.
I yelled back "I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE SAYING TO ME!!!"
He said "Oh, Dis Way to Tram, Ma'am."
We city hopped over to Nurnberg, and I was seated by the Nervous farter who stole my window seat (He may as well have sank my battle ship!)
The air crew on that flight (Still in the blue leisure suits) asked in her darling british accent if she could get a drink for me, love.
I said "Yes. Coke, please." (Playing it safe with beverage choice)
She said "Would you like Coke light, love?"
I, completely unsure what coke light even is, said "Oh sure!" (Turns out it is just diet coke.)
We landed I collected my bags and Walked through a little sliding glass door and there before me, stood my Michael. Smiling.
And I breathed a sigh of relief.
It is so hard to say goodbye to family. Esp. my sister, mom and Grandma.
It started the day before, as I was driving, Cyndi Lauper's sadist song "True Colors" came on. And when she sang the line "I can't remember the last time I saw you laughing..." I broke down in tears, thinking of my sister's wonderful laugh.
And That is all I will write about that, due to the fact that if I write anymore I will be sitting here, sobbing.
So, that was what started my crying bouts.
My sister made a wonderful dinner for me. My favorite chicken dish. Corn on the cob, and her divine pineapple casserole.
We ate. We laughed. I cried. She made me laugh, saying (even if neither of us believed it)"but it's not sad..it's...HAPPY."
I thought "Oh man. I can't do this. I don't want to go to Germany."
But, then, I'd think of my husband and think "I want to go so bad!"
conflicting emotions are never easy.
Fast forward to the next day.
I stopped by Lynsey's work and hugged her extra hard. And she started crying and so did I.
At Dulles, I checked and got my grandma a wheel chair. She made the long trip to DC just to say Bye to me. My sweet little grandma. I love her so.
I didn't even start to cry until Michael called and told me to tell the trio at the airport (Mom, Dad, & Grandma) Bye for him. I choked up on the phone and had to go, RIGHT THEN.
I cried goodbye and cried extra hard when dad kissed my cheek. I couldn't look at Mom. But then I decided to look back and wave as I was leaving for the underground world of security.
Once through and at my gate, I stopped by Great American Bagel and stuffed my face with A chicken pesto panini and waited calmly for my flight.
I flew KLM. Which is Royal Dutch Airlines, if you are as clueless as I am. I need to say, KLM's seats are...extra cozy. And I was in the middle.
I felt the effects of that panini quite fast, I may add. I felt like I needed to use the airline phone to call Jenny.
A few seconds after settling in a large robust man from Nigeria plopped down beside me.
"Hello. You have ever been to Nigeria?" He asked all in one swooping howdy'do.
"Hi. No. I've not been." I answered.
"Well, I extend an invitation to my country."
I said "oh. Ok. yes. thank you."
he said "I invite you right now."
I scratched my nose and felt awkward. Like "you mean right now? I'm en route to germany...but uhm...thanks?"
Nigeria-man pulled out his Bible as I pulled out my portable dvd player, and tuned into season 4 of sex and the city.
Pretty soon I felt something on my left shoulder. I dodged my eyes that way and there it was....nigeria tuning into my dvd!!!
Not that he could listen in as I had on my head phones. But I noticed that while clutching his Bible he was never missing a samantha scene.
KLM flight crew wears royal blue leisure suits.
That is a random fact you may want to store away for future use...like Halloween.
They were nice though, and over fed us.
Which did nothing for the seating.
We got a hot towel and almonds their first go round. I chose NOT to eat the almonds. Not my style. (I had turned off my show to collect the almonds and coke from the air crew man. Nigeria told me "Do not to turn it off, only pause next time." Ooooohkay.)
Then we got a hot towel and dinner. Which was possibly in the running for the grossest thing I've ever put to my lips.(I arranged everything on my plane to signal to the air crew that I was finished, but thanks anyways. Even placing my almonds on top. Nigeria saw this, raised his eye brows picked up the baggie of almonds and looked at me. I shrugged and said "Go for it." And he DID! He ate my trash almonds!!!!!)
KLM shut out the lights for a few hours, and I tried to steal some zz's.
They popped the lights back on and threw another hot towel (which the euro men right in front of me used to bathe down.) I declined it as I was already like richard simmons listening to run-around-sue.
KLM then threw breakfast at us.
Really?
How could anyone possibly feel the need for breakfast? I could see through their lame attempt at trying to trick us out of jet lag.
We landed in Amsterdam, and I got my very first passport stamp. And searched. As in the whole nine. I even got patted down. I was caked in sweat, as there was ZERO a/c in the airport.
A young guy pulled me to the side "Mind if I cheeek yaour bag, meeess?"
I smiled and said "No, please go ahead."
I had to pull all electronics out of my carry on. and open up everything. Which included: A hard drive. Our camera. The mini dvd player, which I had to take out of the case and open the dvd disc holder.
He saw the dvd inside and said "Sexs in dee see-tee?"
I smiled and said "yes."
he said "Cah-ree."
I nodded.
He said "I loauve dis show. You are tip-ee-cull womman, no?"
I said "I think so."
Then I practically had to run to my next gate and Schiphol is a HUGE airport.
If someone ever tells you that Europeans stare. Believe them.
They do.
They stare hard. In fact, it may be some hobby of sort.
There I was caked in sweat (I could feel it running down my back) and feeling VERY out of place. The dress I was wearing was white and thin. So I had the added worry that it would become like a wet sundress contest of amsterdam.
I finally made it to my tram (yes, we had to tram out to our city hopper plane.)
A man said something to me that sounded rude and I was clueless as to what he was barking at me.
I just looked at him.
He barked it again.
I yelled back "I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE SAYING TO ME!!!"
He said "Oh, Dis Way to Tram, Ma'am."
We city hopped over to Nurnberg, and I was seated by the Nervous farter who stole my window seat (He may as well have sank my battle ship!)
The air crew on that flight (Still in the blue leisure suits) asked in her darling british accent if she could get a drink for me, love.
I said "Yes. Coke, please." (Playing it safe with beverage choice)
She said "Would you like Coke light, love?"
I, completely unsure what coke light even is, said "Oh sure!" (Turns out it is just diet coke.)
We landed I collected my bags and Walked through a little sliding glass door and there before me, stood my Michael. Smiling.
And I breathed a sigh of relief.
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