Yet there are many times when the excitement is eclipsed by the distance.
Such was the time when Tess passed away. It didn't feel like a grand adventure. It felt distant. I actually felt exactly how far away we are from family, from friends, from home.
Now, it needs to be said, Tess is a cat. A cat that I tried ever so gently, ever so determinedly, ever so...forcefully to make 'my' cat. My pet. I adopted her. I took her home with me. I named her. I bought her toys and collars, and various kitty essentials.
In a nutshell, I loved her. I still do.
From the moment I took her to my mom's house, when she was but a wee kitten...Tess made it official. She was not my cat. Not for nothing.
Tess couldn't have cared less about me. Not that she didn't tolerate me, because she did. With her impatient tail flick she would let me lounge my head on her big bell. She would head butt me for affection.
From the moment she met my mom...well, I no longer exsisted. Well, no, that's not true. I became...an extra in her movie.
She loved mom. She would sit by mom. Sleep by mom. Spend time with mom.
Me? Yeah, she'd grouchie meow at me. IF she decided to acknowledge my presence.
Oh, but I still loved her.
I loved her for her moodiness. I loved her for her love of christmas. I loved her simply for the sweet way in which she carried her duck (named lucky duck) in her mouth like he was her kitten. She'd walk with him and cry/meow. She did this when she thought she was alone.
One sight of anyone, and she dropped the duck and looked impatiently in your direction. A cool denial of her affection for Lucky Duck.
Despite all her distance (to everyone but mom) She was a loving cat.
She loved music. She would lounge and listen to Aretha with my mom. Tess could hear the theme music to American Idol..and no matter where she was in the house, she'd bound to the Tv. Every single time it would come on. Then, as soon as the show was over....she went back to her business of lounging, napping, or just watching out the window.
She would talk to birds...and in her younger days, she was a huntress. Killing little mice who found a way to sneak inside. In her older days...she let one climb in her food bowl and scurry back outside...leaving the hunting to my parents.
Tess was a good cat. She was a family member. My mom had a close undeniable bond with her. They were a pair. And truly, Tess was in every way, my mom's cat. Or Mom was Tess's person, to put it more accurately.
So when my dad told me over the phone that she had died...it truly felt like a piece of me was missing. Living so far away, I felt the helplessness of not being able to say goodbye. I sobbed on our living room sofa while Michael tried to comfort me.
He gave me a cool washcloth to put on my forehead.
He got me a cool drink.
He looked at my photo album of Tess with me.
I told him about what kind of kitten she was. How silly she could be. The way she took a bite from my sister's sandwich when Tess thought Lynsey was taking too long to eat.
I remember the last time I saw her. She head butted my hand. I told her I was going to Germany, but I'd be back. She purred and rubbed her head against my hand, then flicked her tail.
Funny how when I think of going home...I think of Soozie there to greet me..tail wagging in excitement. And of Tess...hopping off Mom's bed to come say Hi.
She will always live forever in my memory.
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